A Star to Follow
by Scarby
Summary: My own tribute to a fallen hero. Remus grieving in the aftermath of OotP. SPOILER TO THE ENDING OF ORDER OF THE PHOENIX FOUND WITHIN!


Title: A Star to Follow 

Author: Scarby

Disclaimer: Nothing but the story is mine. And barely that.

WARNING: Herein, whether you like it or not, is going to be found love transcending gender. Problem with that? DEAL WITH IT. 

Serious couples, whether you want them or not: Remus/Sirius (mainly)

Summary: My own tribute to a fallen hero. Remus grieving in the aftermath of OotP. SPOILER TO THE ENDING OF ORDER OF THE PHOENIX FOUND WITHIN!

Spoilers: Everything. *ESPECIALLY* *THE* *ORDER* *OF* *THE* *PHOENIX!* There, now if you flame with about giving away the ending of OotP, I will laugh at you and point to this. Ha ha.

Note: Much Remus angst to be found within. I guess it makes up for all the sap I wrote in "Platform 9 ¾" (cough *READ* cough) and "A Pack of Two" (cough *DITTO* cough). Oh, well. 

Feedback: Give it to me, baby, uh-huh, uh-huh…

A Star to Follow

Everybody knew, of course. How could they not, especially after Moody yelled out one dinner for us to keep it down when we both retired to bed? They all knew, of course.

Which might have been why they left me alone.

I was brooding...sulking...and I knew it. I was grieving.

I was allowed. After all, they may have lost a dear friend, but I...I have lost my best friend, my lover, my packmate...the last of my pack. I was truly alone. Permanently, this time. No more knowing that somewhere out there lay the last remnant of my pack, though the others have ceased to be.

Once more, I was alone.

With a thick sigh, I shifted in the cold bed. It had never been this cold before...not when he would take the chill off with a touch, bring warmth back with a single smile. 

He should have been there with me, lying behind me with one arm possessively clutched around my waist and the other pillowing his head. I should have been able to roll around to face him, inevitably waking him, and gently brush sleepy lips across his own bleary lips. We should have been able to simply hold each other throughout the night, thoughts escaping as blessed sleep overcame us, and we should have been able to fall into dreams with the security that, when we awoke, we would still be together.

He should never have simply disappeared. That never was his style. 

But he died in battle, died defending Harry when he couldn't save Harry's parents, two of his best friends. 

He died and left me to mourn him alone. 

Restless still, I left our bed – my bed – and strode out the door. I walked long into the night, eventually ending up in a park on the outskirts of the city. A crescent moon shone through the branches of a tree I sat under, and I watched the silvery beams flutter as the leaves moved with the wind. I watched them dance, and I dozed. 

I dreamt of him, of our last full moon together.

We had raced through the house, playing our own version of Tag, I in my lupine form and he in his canine, his mother's voice hounding us. Bounding and leaping, we could almost pretend we were outside again, back in Hogwarts, back when we were still young and paid no heed to the name Voldemort. Back when all of us were still alive and still friends.

It had been a full moon when he told me he loved me. And when I told him as well. 

And then he fell behind the veil.

I awoke with a shaking yell that strengthened when I realized he was not beside me. 

A pack of awakened birds flew off into the still dark sky. 

Quieting again, I watched the stars through moist eyes, whose tears soon fell when I stared at Sirius, the Dog Star. 

He fell through the veil, and we can't even give him a proper burial with no body. 

Tracing shakily over the Dog Star, I sobbed at his misfortune, at my calamity, at our combined trials. I didn't know if I would fail this trial. 

But for Harry, I must. I have to help Harry, help the godson of my lover. 

Faintly, though tears still drizzled down my face, I began to smile.

My pack was not completely decimated. My friends' son, my lover's godson, he lives still. He is as much a member of my pack as his parents, as his godson. He is part of my pack. How could I think of him as anything but my packmate, the last member? 

Palm out, I closed it into a fist around the Dog Star. 

"For you, Sirius," I whispered. "For James, for Lily, for who Peter used to be. For Harry." I drew my clasped hand to my heart. "For you, Sirius. For my pack."

I stayed there, watching the Dog Star, as it disappeared with the rising sun.

I would continue to grieve, perhaps for the rest of my life, but I had found peace in my mourning. I had a star to guide me. I had a boy to help, a Dark Lord to aid in overthrowing, and a vengeance to be wrought for my entire pack.

As the faintest traces of the Dog Star fully disappeared, I stood and began to walk home.

I had much to plan for.

Sniff. Now, I'm depressed again. Must write about happier times. Even with the ending, I still loved OotP. Sniff. Congratulations, Ms. Rowling. Sniff. I never cry at the end of books, except for OotP. (Well, and the end of one of the Dragonlance books, but that's a secret. Very hush-hush.) Sniff. Reviews'll make me feel better, I think. Sniff. Worth a shot, anyways. Sniff.


End file.
